when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
