You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
