I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
