I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
