She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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