Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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