I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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