Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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