? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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