Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
