First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
