i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
