the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
