is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
