I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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