I just made out with a guy for $7.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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