he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
