I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
