I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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