plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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