I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
