you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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