he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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