YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
