Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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