Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
