Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
