he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
