So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
