3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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