I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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