Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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