If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
