i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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