i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
