i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
