Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
