i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
