I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
