hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
