1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
