I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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