A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
