Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
