Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
