Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
