I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
