They should really pass out barf bags in church
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
