Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
