im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
